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Ebar amar mone amar bonke chodar jonne mon ta byakul hote suru korlo. Sei raat ta 3 baar masturbate korte holo amai. Dudin evabe maa r Rati ke dekhei kete gelo. Dudin por School theke bike niye sei tantric er kache gelam se amake 4te kalo ronger bori diye bollo, ‘egulo jake boshivuto korte chao take kono torol jinish er sathe mishiye khaiye debe’. Ami gota instruction ta likhe niye uthbo vabchi thik tokhoni amar Rati ke chodar iche ta mone porlo. Ami tantric ke bollam ‘acha gurudeb ami eta niye r kauke bosh korte parbo na?’ tantric uttore bollo, ‘ekmatro Jodi polly(amar maa)r sathe onno jake tumi bosh korte chaicho tar Jodi rokter somporko thake tobei parbe’. Ami khushi hoye tantik ke aro 200 taka diye bollam, ‘Jodi kaj hoy tahole aro 500 dibo’. Sondhye 6 ta nagad ami bari dhuke maa er jonne milkshake baniye tate 4ter jaigai 2to bori mishiye amader butiq er dokane dite gelam, baki ta Ratir jonne mishiye fridge rekhe dilam. Jokhon maa er kache pouchalam tokhon dokane temon vir chilo. I’ve went so far as to pull into restaurants and ordered meals just to avoid a checkpoint when I knew I was clean.If you don’t see me you won’t think about me has been my philosophy. I haven’t had a traffic ticket in over 20 years and never been arrested even when I deserved it. So what can I say?I’m a little proud of myself. Last night at the dinner, I intentionally set with my back to the rest of the diners when I could have set with my back to a wall. I stood there for several moments and made a conscious choice to trust. I didn’t know about half the people there. To most of you that is no big thing. I get that. To someone who has spent their life paranoid with decent reasons for their paranoia it’s a little bit of something. Will I make a habit of it? I don’t know. It’ll be a case by case basis. I did it that time though.What are my plans for the new year? Damned if I know. I’m going to relearn to meditate. Work on being more present when I’m with people. Spend time with a shrink.
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